Truly Awful Movies are Great

This is actually just a post to test out NetNewsWire‘s built-in weblog editor. But, yeah, I just finished watching the amazingly inane “Escape from L.A.” on the television. It’s my last day before classes start up for the autumn semester, so I’m just being lazy. But watching Kurt Russell run around a post-apocalyptic Los Angeles, with an eye patch and a horrid Dirty Harry-esque speech pattern, got me thinking.

“This is awesome!”

No, not cinematic greatness. Not even a bad movie with some hidden message that really touches you. No, this movie was so great because it is so awful. Totally pointless sub-plots. Random characters… especially ones that die within 5 minutes of their introduction. STEVE BUSCHEMI! How can it get any better?

“Escape from L.A.” (from what I understand) is a sequel. You mean there is more where this came from? Yep. One of the things that makes a truly awful movie even worse (or perhaps better, depending on your terminology) is the involvement of sequels, prequels, or spin-offs. I mean, why is “Alien vs. Predator” such a truly “great” idea? It takes some really stupid-awesome movies, which have had some incredibly inept sequels (Predator II, anyone?), and rolls them into one giant ball of awful movie greatness.

If you’ve ever enjoyed Mystery Science Theatre 2000-3000. If you’ve ever found yourself watching the “Instant Replay” of a movie on TBS or TNT at 3am. If you’ve ever got excited because you had friends over at the same time as “Big Trouble in Little China” came on. If you’ve even found yourself relating slightly to anything I’ve said here… you’re not alone.

Update: I was just thinking about the supposed “Doomsday Device” in Escape from L.A.: a network of satellites with EMPs (electro-magnetic pulse). Those of you who watched any of the Matrix movies (I feel your pain) are probably familiar with the concept: if you electro-magnetic waves apparently screw with electronics, so if you fire a high powered blast of them at something electronic, it dies. Now I’m not certain about it “dying,” but I know EM waves can jack up electronic items. The idea of Kurt Russell firing a global EMP attack and sending the earth “back into the Dark Ages” is ridiculous (and thus, perfect for the movie). If you’ve seen “Ocean’s Eleven,” you might be able to see where I’m going with this. In O11, they used a “pinch,” which, from my understanding, is basically a real life EMP, minus the cool CG effects. You might remember that they get “the seventeenth century,” but only for about 30 seconds or so. So, realistically, Kurt Russell’s global Dark Ages attack would have given him that effect… for a minute or two. Then the power comes back, and they electrocute the president’s daughter. (Didn’t I say this movie was awesome?)

Note: You’ll notice I’m no expert on the subject, and am basing all my facts off of other movies. This makes me an even bigger expert. And counter-terrorism agents, my thinking Escape from L.A. is awesome has no reflection of a desire to see the president’s daughter harmed. It’s just an element so ridiculous that it makes me laugh (and remember, it was the president in the movie that was going to electrocute his daughter on TV). So please… the midnight raid of my house isn’t necessary, and I’d rather not experience the sheer joy that is Gitmo.